


I Couldn't Save You

by Digital_Night_Sky



Category: Eddsworld - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Comfort, Death, Dreams, Drowning, Friendship, Gen, Major character death - Freeform, Nostalgia, Sad, based off an Eddsworld flipnote i saw the other day, dedicated to Edd Gould we miss u buddy :(, this was supposed to be a oneshot, tord is mentioned but that's pretty much it, why am i doing this to myself lol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-09
Updated: 2018-02-19
Packaged: 2019-03-15 18:54:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,590
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13619568
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Digital_Night_Sky/pseuds/Digital_Night_Sky
Summary: Tom was in serious doubt. It was peaceful, something that he hadn’t felt in a long time. It felt - dare he say it - good to be here, in this place of unknown wonder and mystery? It was almost paradise. Tom closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and smiled softly. It smelled sweet and fresh, like flowers and honey and -A laugh rippled through the air, and Tom was surprised at the interruption.That laugh sounded a lot like Edd’s.Oh, how he missed that laugh.-Basically the story of Tom & Matt coping with Edd's death-





	1. Chapter 1: Water Sloshing in His Gut

**Author's Note:**

> so the other day i saw a flipnote that i really liked, i left a link at the end of the fanfic if ya wanna see it (it's not mine)  
> and today I saw the tribute to Edd Gould, the creator of Eddsworld who died in 2012 and I cried  
> so i said "you know what im sad so ima write something sad"  
> R.I.P. Edd Gould, woulda loved to meet u ;-; lets keep his world spinning guys  
> **This is based on the CHARACTERS, not the real people**

Christ almighty, why was it so damn bright?

Tom groaned and rubbed his eyes, his muscles and limbs aching with every slight move he made. _Ugh, I hate hangovers,_ he thought to himself as he rubbed his aching temples. He was sure he slept super late again, but that was nothing new.

However, there was something that seemed a bit . . . off. He usually woke up in bed or on the couch after a hangover, with a bottle of painkillers and empty Smirnoffs to keep him sane.

So why the hell was he outside?

He was in bright green, grassy fields that seemed to stretch for miles. There was a gentle breeze that caressed his spiky hair, and the sound of birds tweeting in the distance. And if that wasn’t enough, there was a long, wide river beside him that flowed greatly, its deep blue waves forming currents facing north.  It would take a lot to slow it down.

 _Woah,_ he thought as he looked around, blinking multiple times, swearing it had to be a mirage. Isn’t this what drugs do to people? Was he on drugs? He didn’t remember taking drugs recently. _Damn, Tord, Matt, if this is a prank, you guys are doing one hell of a good job._

Tom was in serious doubt. It was peaceful - he felt something that he hadn’t felt in a long time. It felt - dare he say it - _good_ to be here, in this place of unknown wonder and mystery? It was almost paradise. Tom closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and smiled softly. It smelled sweet and fresh, like flowers and honey and -

A laugh rippled through the air, and Tom was surprised at the interruption.

That laugh sounded a lot like Edd’s.

 _Edd's here too?_  he thought to himself, feeling overwhelming joy beginning to rise when he turned to his right as saw Edd, who seemed to be enjoying the scenery as much as Tom was. "Edd!" he called to him happily, beginning to run over to him. His dark brown hair was as shiny as ever in the dazzling sunlight, his green eyes like emeralds as he noticed Tom's coming. Edd smiled - God, had Tom missed that smile -

But suddenly, Edd's expression fell into dark fear as powerful waters beneath him suddenly began to rise beneath him and dragged him away.

Edd's muffled cries for help reached Tom's unbelieving ears as he watched the flailing figure sinking and rising into the deep water. _Wait, w_ _hat?_

 _No,_ Tom thought as he ran to the male and desperately reached for his arm. _No, I won’t let this happen._ “Edd! Hold on! Stretch out your arm!”

He must’ve heard him, because the only visible thing left of him was his arm, which wore a green-sweatered sleeve, making a feeble attempt to hold onto something, _anything,_ that would save him. Tom caught the hand with his just in time, before the water’s currents could drag Edd away.

He pulled Edd onto the shore with a bit of difficulty. His clothes were completely damp, making them heavier and harder to grip onto.

What was worse, however, was that Edd wasn’t moving.

“Edd,” Tom said, horrified by the lifeless-like expression on his face. “Edd, c’mon, wake up, buddy. Edd? Edd!” _No. Nonononononono not again. Not again I will not go through this again -_

Flashbacks - memories of taking arm-pumping methods in medical care in case anyone were to have water in their lungs that needed to be removed. Tom began to do just that now, quickly laying Edd’s body on the grass and positioning his right and over his left, beginning to pump rymthetically. _Edd I swear to God if this is a prank -_

God, there was a lot of water in there. He could feel it beneath his palms. His hopes fell more and more with each pump he gave, and tears began to fill in his eyes and spill on his chin. He felt like he was on fire. _Edd come on wake up wake up wake up Edd PLEASE -_

Edd’s body suddenly flew up from its lying position and began to throw up - floods and floods of water flowing freely out of his mouth as Tom could only watch and listen to the sounds of his hurling and pain. It began to form a pool of water as it trickled back to the stream where it came from while Edd continued to heave. The hopes in Tom’s chest began to rise a little at the sight of it. _Thank God, he’s gonna be able to breath now. Right?_

But, as soon as he began, he stopped. The water stopped coming, and Edd fell to the ground again like a sack. It was quiet. Tom expected him to groan or at least see his stomach rise and fall with oxygen, but he was just . . . there. Tom was too scared to speak. He gulped.

He was gone.

“Edd?” he asked meekly, tears running freely down his cheeks, scooping his best friend into his arms. No, not his buddy. This couldn’t be the same cola-loving Edd, the crazy yet thoughtful and kind brunette who loved his friends for who they were and is now just lying here dead to leave Tom alone without someone to talk to, to complain to, to depend on . . .

How could he just leave Tom like that? Without giving him the chance to let him know how much he needed him, how much he appreciated everything he did?

Tom began to sob, his body shaking uncontrollably as he held his friend’s damp, limp, cold body close to his and he heaved like Edd was earlier, not wanting to accept his death but now it was too late, he had the chance to save Edd but it slipped through his fingers and -

Another noise broke the silence; ambulance sirens. Who notified the ambulance? Tom turned around and saw Tord and Matt, their mouths moving frantically but Tom wasn’t able to hear them or interpret a thing they were saying. The sirens, the ringing in his head, his ears feeling like they had been stuffed with cotton, the heavy, grieved feeling present in the pit of his stomach that he wanted to thrust out with a broken beer bottle, to feel himself bleed out the guilt and the pain and the sorrow, everything was happening all at once and he couldn’t keep track of what was going on and so many voices and problems and people and -

Tom flew up from his bed, shocked, gasping deeply as if he forgot how to breath. He looked around - no more fields, no water, no sunny days, no cool breezes . . .

No more Edd.

“Edd,” he said, his voice cracking, his face burning before burying it in the palms of his hands. He wanted to see Edd so badly. He couldn’t even hear his voice in the dream. All he wanted was to hear his voice. He wanted to order a pizza and invite Edd over to his apartment so they could laugh and talk and argue and cry. He wanted to see Edd draw pictures and animate everything and anything and bring it to life.

He had received a second chance in the dream to save him, and he lost it.

 _“_ Edd, I’m so sorry,” he whimpered, begging for his forgiveness in his mind, knowing that he would never know the meaning of happy again.

He wanted to drown.


	2. Chapter 2: A Walk in the Park

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tragedies can either bring people closer together,  
> or farther apart.

“Tom, are you in there?”

Silence. The same answer he got every time he knocked on his friend’s apartment. This was getting quite worrisome, even for someone as oblivious as Matt. He held Ringo in his arms as he shuffled his feet in nervousness. “I haven’t heard from you for a while. Maybe we should go outside and get some fresh air . . . “

Poor Matt. Any other time he’d be loud and happy, but now he didn’t even try to be optimistic. He wasn’t even smiling at himself when he looked in a mirror.

Tom had gone back to his apartment immediately after Edd’s burial and refused to leave ever since. He had gotten choked up while he offered some words during the funeral service, talking about his old friend’s life, and Matt had to comfort him afterwards - and that was the last time they’d interacted. That was a about a week ago. Now Tom just locked himself in his room and turned off his phone, cutting off all communication completely.

Matt sighed in defeat, his eyes locked on the floor, his mind distant. He had been standing in front of Tom’s apartment, but his thoughts were miles away. What would have Edd done if he were still here? He would’ve blown the door up with a grenade if it meant cheering his friends up.

 _Edd, we miss you. I miss you,_ he cried in his mind, his lip quivering at the thought of the brunette, that cola-loving artist who never lost a reason to smile. _Why did you have to die?_

Matt squeezed his eyes shut in a useless attempt to hold back tears, his head resting against Tom’s apartment door, his hand resting on the doorknob.. Suddenly, he began to lean forward and the doorknob clicked as it went down with his hand; he stopped himself from falling and blinked in confusion. The door had opened. _The door was unlocked?_

In the entire week that Matt had tried to coax Tom to come out, he didn’t even think about turning the knob. Slight irritation flashed on his face, but he quickly brushed it off and didn’t hesitate to walk inside. It was dark. The window’s blinds were completely shut, preventing any sunlight from lighting up the place. But, even in the darkness, Matt could tell that the place was a mess. Clothes were scattered on the couch and floor. He had to step over multiple bottles of Smirnoff; he couldn’t tell if they were full or empty, maybe both.

“Tom?” he called out quietly, the grey cat still curled in his arms in a tight ball. Edd had made his friends promise to take care of his cat if he couldn’t make it. Even Ringo fell into some state of depression, as if she knew that she wouldn’t never see her beloved owner again.

Matt eventually made his way to Tom’s bedroom, and he gave a light knock.

“Go away, Matt.”

The ginger was surprised, then the surprise was replaced with hurt. So Tom _was_ here the whole time. Matt was angry at himself for not realizing it sooner, and hurt that the first words that Tom had said to him in a week was to tell him to leave.

But Matt wasn’t a quitter. He opened Tom’s door a bit and took a step in quietly. He spoke kind of slow.“Tom, are you okay? I haven’t seen you in a while. Your phone was off, and I thought your door was locked, and now I feel really du - “

“It’s whatever, Matt,” Tom mumbled, making no real effort to greet Matt properly.  Matt could see his curled figure under a wave of blankets, and his head buried in a pillow. His voice sounded raspy, like it hadn’t been used in days.

It fell quiet once again, the ginger, the brunette and the grey cat silently occupying the room with nothing to say. Matt knew that Tom had never really enjoyed his company as much as he did Edd’s - if anything, Tom had just tolerated the man, but Matt still cared about him nonetheless.

“Tom, I - I’m worried about you,” he admitted in a quiet, pleading voice. “Please, come with me. We can go to the park; you know, the one that me, you, and Edd used to go to -”

“For what, Matt?” Tom said suddenly, a little bit of bite in his tone. “Can’t you tell I’m not in the mood? Going outside isn’t gonna do anything but give me a headache.”

“Drinking a million bottles of Smirnoff isn’t gonna do you much good for you either,” Matt said in a gentle yet firm tone. He saw Tom tense up, but he didn’t respond. “Listen, I know you’re upset,” he continued, looking down at the cat, “but who isn’t? Everyone in the town is upset. He wouldn’t want to see you like this.”

“And how the hell do you know that?” the drunkard growled, sitting up from his sluggish position and turning to face Matt with a glare. “You’re not Edd. You can’t read his thoughts, especially now that he’s dead, and there’s nothing we can do about it. What, is it _wrong_ for me to be sad when my best friend literally just died a couple fucking days ago?”

“Did you forget that I was his friend too?” Matt snapped. “I’ve known him ever since we were _kids_ , Tom! We told each other everything, and he did the same to you, and I _know_ that you know that Edd would be devastated if he saw you like this.”

Silence. Tears fell from Matt’s face freely, and even Tom’s black eyes had pricked with tears. Matt, as childish as he could be, was right. It was almost as if Tom was using this as an excuse to mope around more and drink himself away.

“All I’m asking for is that you come with me for a walk, that’s it. I understand if you don’t want to. But none of this is for me,” Matt said, before turning his heel and began to walk out of Tom’s door. Tom knew that Matt was doing it for his own good. Was he really that blind to understand that?

“Matt, wait,” Tom said. Matt stopped in front of the door but made no move to turn around.

“I . . . I’m starting to see why you were trying to reach out to me for so long. I’m sorry,” he said, his gaze locked on the ground. “Maybe a walk might do some good for me. Give me five minutes to change and we’ll go out.”

 _Finally._ Matt cracked a small smile. “Good.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was NOT planning to give this story more than one chapter.  
> Now I'm planning for it to have, like, four??  
> w h a t i s w r o n g w i t h m e


	3. Chapter 3: Reasons to Smile

 

“Ugh, my back is killing me.”

Tom had been making snarky little comments while he and Matt had made their way outside their apartments and into the real world. The hallways seemed to stretch for miles, and they stayed completely silent when they walked past Edd’s apartment. The nostalgic feeling made Tom sick to his stomach. He wanted to run back to his room and sleep so he could forget everything - after all, it was the closest thing to dying without _actually_ dying, right?

 _None of this is for me,_ Matt’s voice reminded Tom as he stared at Edd’s apartment door for a considerably long time. He released a puff of air in exasperation and looked away, knowing that Matt was just trying to help him out. He continued to follow the taller man to the exit.

Matt was nervous about the whole “let’s go to the park” thing now that he thought about it. Tom didn’t look too happy, but he figured it was for their own good; after he saw the baby blue sky, white fluffy clouds, and bright yellow sun, Tom would surely cheer up just a little bit.

“You sure it was a good idea to bring Ringo with us?” Tom asked,  looking down at Ringo, still in Matt’s arms in a peaceful slumber.

“Yeah, I didn’t wanna leave her alone,” he said, scratching her head. “I think she’ll be fine.”

Matt took a glance at Tom and saw the hurt expression on his face. Edd loved this cat, probably more than Matt loved his face and Tom his vodka. Both of them knew that, eventually, they had to talk to each other about their innermost feelings about Edd’s death; there was no way they could keep them bottled up any longer. Keep the feelings for too long, and it could hurt you if you let it. Even scar you.

Matt opened the door and the two were met with a light, cool breeze. The two took a long, deep breath, and took their first step outside in a week.

 

The walk, Tom had to admit, wasn’t as bad as he thought it would be. The park wasn’t very far from their apartments, much to their convenience, and his stiff limbs had finally been freed from the prison of Tom’s dark and depressing room. Edd had loved walks like these, the walks that involved just the three of them laughing, talking about their plans, their worries, their everything.

Now there was just an empty space between the ginger and him, and it bothered Tom. They were so used to Edd leading the way, it was almost as if they didn’t know where to go. Without a second thought, he reached for Matt’s arm and pulled him a bit closer to himself to fill in Edd’s gap.

“Looks like it might rain,” he muttered, as a way to distract himself from his dead best friend. “We’d better hurry.” Matt simply nodded, and the two picked up the pace a little.

The park started coming into view. The whole area was covered in the deep vibrant green of grass and trees and bushes, with the occasional brown of bark and benches. There was something about the park that reminded him of something, something important, but he couldn’t quite put his finger on it . . .

 _The dream._ The dream he had the night before, the one where Edd drowned. There was a lake nearby. What if Edd was there, waiting for them to find him? He could hear his voice now:

_“Hey guys, I’m here! You really thought I was dead, huh? Let’s go to the arcade!”_

Something in Tom’s soul sparked. His mind told him that his best friend was gone, that there was no way on Earth that Edd would be there, but his body pushed him to run. He heard Matt calling out his name, but he ignored it. He needed to see Edd holding a can of cola and a 10000-watt smile, calling out for Tom’s name and waving with endless joy -

There were trees, benches, a nearby lake, ordinary bystanders, birds. Everyone but Edd.

Tom’s running soon slowed to a stop, his shoulders slumped, his eyes filled with surprised doubt, although he really  shouldn’t be so shocked. Did he really expect Edd to just show up?

Matt soon caught up with him, and even though Tom’s back was turned to him, he heard him mutter his dead friend’s name under his breath. The ginger’s expression grew dim at the situation at hand. He knew that Tom had been hit hard by Edd’s passing, but he had no idea it was this bad. Was Tom’s drinking getting to his head or was he officially going delusional?

 _No, don’t think like that,_ he scolded himself as he placed a gentle hand on Tom’s shoulder. “C’mon, Tom,” he said softly, hoping that he wouldn’t pull away like he had been doing since the burial. “Let’s go lie down over there.” He pointed to a small clearing in the park, where a patch of clean grass waited for them.

Tom, still dazed by disappointment, made his way to the spot and lied down. Matt lied down next to him, both of their backs fully pressed against the cool earth and their faces facing the sky. The three of them used to do this all the time as kids - they would point at the clouds and imagine them in different shapes, and imagine themselves at the beach trying to get a tan (and fail).

“Hey, that cloud looks like a dolphin,” Matt said, and Tom could hear the smile in his voice.

Tom decided that it wouldn’t hurt to join along. “And that one looks like a cloud.”

They chuckled - it was the closest thing the two had ever gotten close to a laugh in a while.

“Matt, how . . . “ Tom said, hesitating, “how do you do it?”

“Hmm?”

“I dunno, it’s like . . . you’re always so - not _happy,_ but,” Tom struggled to find the right words. “You always find a reason to smile, it’s so weird. Like, the world could be ending and you’d still find something to smile at.”

Matt chuckled at the statement. “You do realize that half the time I smile is when I see my reflection, right?” The two laughed again and he continued. “But, actually, my mom always told me that giving someone something as simple as a smile can change someone’s life, isn’t that crazy? Like, if someone were on the way to a bridge to go kill themself, and a complete stranger just gives them a friendly smile from across the street, that someone just might stop and say, ‘Wow, that person really just took time out of their life to smile at me? I guess I am worth something,’ and they’d wanna keep living, ya know?”

Tom stayed completely silent for a good three minutes before speaking again. “Matt?”

“Yeah?”

“That was probably the most intelligent thing I’ve ever heard you say. Ever.”

“I’m not sure if what you just said was an insult or a compliment, but I’ll take it.”

Tom smiled softly, sadly, at the sky. “I’m sure Edd would be proud.”

A pause. Then, “Tom, you ever wonder where people go when they die?” he asked innocently, as a way to assure him that, wherever Edd was, he was happy - or at least safe.

Tom shrugged. “Not really. I’ve been raised being told about Heaven and whatever, but I’ve never thought about it a lot. Until recently, I guess.”

Matt sighed like he was about to prepare himself. “When he was in the hospital, we were talking, me and him. It was the last time we ever talked,” he said, his voice shaking, but he still held strong. “Remember? He wanted to talk to us alone? Me first, then you?”

“Yeah,” Tom said, already knowing where this as going. He couldn’t deny that this was probably going to be the most important and most emotional conversation he and Matt would ever have. The talk he had with Edd made him cry so hard that a nurse had to guide him out of there before things got worse.

“He told me . . . that, even though he was sad that he was gonna go, he was happy because we were always there for him. But, Tom, I don’t get it,” he said, his voice cracking. “Why did he get sick, Tom? Why him? He would have been so much happier if he didn’t die.” He started to cry, tears streaming down his face. “Why did you leave, Edd?”

 _No, please don’t cry,_ Tom begged when he felt the pressure building in his lungs as he held back. He had asked himself those questions too many times for him to count - and he hated to admit that no one would ever be able to answer them. He rolled over on his stomach and faced Matt’s tear-stained face. “You know what Edd told me, Matt?”

“What?”

“He said that if I were to ever catch you crying, to tell you that your face would be way better with a smile. Wouldn't want your sadness to give you wrinkles, right?”

Matt sniffed deeply, smiling but it disappeared as soon as it came. “I don’t care. I wouldn’t care if I had a million wrinkles if it meant bringing Edd back.”

“I know,” Tom said, finally letting the dam break loose, and found his hand holding Matt’s wrist. “But, like you said . . . he wouldn’t want to see us looking like this, yeah?” He then laughed through his tears. “Wow, look at me. I sound like a total sap. Looks like I could learn a thing or two from you, Matt.”

Matt sniffed deeply, wiping a tear as he laughed. “Yeah, you could. And, you know what?”

“Hmm?”

“It was a privilege to be his friend, you know? Out of all the people in the world that he could have chosen to hang out with, he chose me and you. Isn’t that special?”

Now that Tom thought about it, he was right - Edd chose a drunkard and a narcissistic idiot to go through all his crazy adventures. Tom had always felt like he didn't deserve such a blessing, that he had nothing to offer Edd while Edd offered so much, but Edd always hushed him and hugged him, telling him that fate had decided to bring the three of them together for a reason. But, he supposed that Edd had never really looked at people by their labels. And that just made Tom love the guy all the more.

The two soon began to talk about Edd, but in a much more lighthearted and calmer manner. They relieved the memories that they shared with him, just two guys laying in the grass in a park with a grey cat, laughing and crying and just being themselves. Soon, like Tom had predicted earlier, it had started to rain, a light drizzle sprinkling their bodies.

“Ugh, really?” Tom muttered as his face started getting wetter by the minute. He found himself having a pretty  good time with the ginger.

“Do we _have_ to go? It’s just a little bit.”

“I’m sure Ringo doesn’t wanna be stuck out here, Matt. Besides, I’m starving. How long have we been out here?” Tom checked the time on his phone, and his eyes widened. “Jeez, is it really 7:42? We’ve been here for four hours.”

Even Matt seemed genuinely surprised. “Wow. It’s been a while since we’ve hung out for that long. It was just like old times.”

Matt’s smile was enough to make Tom tear up and smile back. _I guess I should start smiling more too. For you, Edd. Thank you so much, for everything that you’ve done for me. I’ll never forget you._

Tom swung an arm around Matt, scratching the top of Ringo’s fluffy head. “Yeah. Just like old times.”

**...**

Edd sat on a cloud, looking down at his friends with a satisfied smile on his face. He took another sip of heavenly Cola as he relished the heartfelt moment. So Tom and Matt had listened to him after all?  _I knew I could trust you guys to depend on each other,_ he thought as he stretched his fluffy, white, angelic wings.

 _Do you think they're going to be alright without you?_ a voice asked in his head. He furrowed his eyebrows at the thought. "Yeah," he said to himself as he sipped at his cola again. After he saw the way he saw his friends comfort each other was enough to let him know that they would be just fine.

He looked down at his friends again, his eyebrows furrowing. Oh, how he wished he could be with them again. Just five minutes and he'd be content with it. He saw Matt and Tom pointing at the clouds in the sky, and it seemed like they were pointing straight at Edd. He was sure they were reliving some sort of childhood memory, when they would make shapes out of the clouds.

Not suspecting that the gesture would do any good, Edd waved at the two. "I miss you guys," he whispered sadly, a tear forming in his eye.

After he did so, the two stopped pointing and their facial expressions changed. He froze in his spot when he saw them do something unthinkable.

They waved back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter took me so  
> long  
> to  
> write  
> But it's finally posted! I'm givin myself a pat on the back  
> Hopefully the angst/comfort was enjoyable (still debating whether there should be a 4th chapter where Tom & Edd talk before he dies)  
> Buuuuut until then . . . have a great day/afternoon/night everyone!!

**Author's Note:**

> Link to the flipnote: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XCtn3dirgvs  
> This was a quick oneshot so forgive me if it seems a bit rushed, i should be sleeping tbh but i wanted to take advantage of my inspiration while i had the chance :) Until next time my dudes  
> *if you have a request be free to leave a comment in any of my works and I’ll try hard to get it done! (please no furries/nsfw) any ship is welcome!!  
> ** if anyone wants to make fanart of anything I write I’m okay with that but all I ask is that you let me know, make sure you give me credit, and send me the link so I can see it!**


End file.
